Selective memory is my red bull!


Well hello there, Stranger! I feel as if I am coming out of a deep and contemplative hibernation, and am now seeking to rejoin the ranks of society.  

Is my hair OK?

I hope people still read this – if you are reading this I love you! I think I got tired of waiting for new developments and realized that, if the inspiration does not strike, don’t post anything. And since no one pays me to do this, I can do what I want. Fabulous.  

Today I actually did have a rendezvous scheduled at my fertility clinic. We are finally (insert song of the angels here) ready to transfer one or two of our magnificent little frozen people-to-be into the womb! I have these little imaginings that inside me there is perfect and pristine mini-human apartment decked out with a comfy sofa, a year’s worth of formula, and a bad ass rocking swing, but no inhabitants. Kind of like when that guy woke up from a coma in 28 days later, but much less creepy and without the flesh-eating zombies. So I was really jazzed to go to my appointment today because I thought it would go something like this:  

Nurse Lady: Hello, it has been so long……Sarah, you look incredible!  

Me: Oh, aren’t you sweet!  

Nurse Lady: Everything looks great for transfer, let’s do it first thing tomorrow! And by the way, don’t worry about those sly little charges that come up. It’s just a joy to have you in the office. Now let’s get you pregnant!   

Of course, it was pretty much the opposite. A long protocal of lots of pills, more shots, confusion over which needles and syringes I need, and an ETA of LATE SEPTEMBER OR EARLY OCTOBER for transfer. Am I on that Bloopers show?  How did I forget all these steps?  

So, this gets me thinking….do we subconsciously elect to have selective memory? And if we do, do women do it more than men? Here is why I ask: My friends that have been pregnant tell me about “baby brain” during pregnancy – they sometimes lose the capacity to talk, walk without falling, tie their shoe, or count change.  One of my friends was so entertaining to her husband that he contemplated keeping her pregnant into possible perpetuity. (No, he’s not a sexist asshole, he was just kidding. Calm down.) These friends of mine have mentioned to me that this happens so that women do not remember the whole of the pregnancy experience – swollen feet, things you need Preparation H for, cravings for food that Andrew Zimmern would not eat, and so on and so forth. (Pretty smart thinking, God.) So what if this instinctual and automatic little memory glitch is something we learn to hone, like early man with his evolving stone tools? They just kept getting bigger and crazier and now they’re machine guns. Do we do this so that we can keep on enjoying the awesomeness of being a woman without focusing on the undesirable parts? But wait, men do it, too! Maybe somewhere along the line we all possess the ability to harness this temporary lack of recollection. Like Memento, but selective. You keep going to work every day, because the reward of a paycheck pushes away the fact that your desk chair has been broken since January. So I am going to proactively use selective memory to keep me going. Which is great because you shouldn’t drink Red Bull when your trying to procreate. 

And so I am done being crabby (well, for today anyhow) and am once again getting excited.  I hope all of your journeys are progressing well….keep me posted!  

Peace & Love, 

S

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13 responses to this post.

  1. Hello! Thank-you for stopping by my blog. I was sorry to read that OHSS meant that you had to freeze all your little blasts. I hope that at least one of them finds a warm home soon. Oh, and I just ordered that “Birth” book that you recommended. I’m looking forward to reading it.

    Reply

  2. Posted by thecrazycatwoman on August 20, 2010 at 3:11 am

    Good to see an update, Encouraged One. Any unanticipated (or forgotten about) wait is disappointing in IVF. Why the long wait anyway? You have a stack of frozen embryos so shouldn’t they just be able to stick one in? I am getting sick of waiting on your behalf!

    Reply

  3. Oh I am 100% positive I have selective memory (and that my husband does not) because I am SO READY to get in to the RE office and get rolling on our FET! I remember nothing bad from the 4 IUI’s and the IVF (with OHSS). All I remember is that it gave us Henry. And I am totally ready to do it again!

    Reply

    • Thanks for sharing, Sarah. I’m curious, did you conceive from FET? And if so, would you share what number transfer it was, blasto or 3 day, and how many embryos you transferred?

      Reply

  4. Thanks for visiting my blog. 🙂
    I definitely think selective memory is a coping mechanism that is built into us. Why else would we still be here!!
    Anyway, I’m sorry the appointment didnt go as you had pictured in your head (it would have been AMAZING if it did!!! I would have been moving countries to come and sign up to be seen at your clinic!).
    Waiting is horrendous, so I’m sorry you have to jump through hoops and wait before those little frozen babies are transferred.
    However, how comforting is it to know your embryos are safe and waiting for you when you’re body is ready??? I find that ridiculously comforting.
    Good luck x

    Reply

  5. Hehe, I think some memory loss is by choice…LOL> However, doctors have shown that during pregnancy, a baby puts such a huge demand on the fluids in our body that the mom’s brain actually shrinks during the second and third trimester and it takes 9+ months postpartum to get it back to normal. Either that or my friends theory is true. She swears that every time an embryo implants, it sucks brain cells away…and you never ever get them back. If that is true, then I’m screwed because even though I have 3 kids, I’ve been pregnant 11 times. Think of all the brain cells lost…LOL.

    #28 ICLW

    Reply

  6. “I have these little imaginings that inside me there is perfect and pristine mini-human apartment decked out with a comfy sofa, a year’s worth of formula, and a bad ass rocking swing”

    I love this! Best of luck for this upcoming FET! Let the wait FLY by!
    Happy ICLW #?

    Reply

  7. Hi from ICLW!

    I think selective memory does help us keep going. It would be too hard otherwise. Good luck with your FET!

    Reply

  8. Selective memory rocks my socks. What a fun blog you have here, I am going to have to follow you!

    Happy ICLW !

    Jess #74

    Reply

  9. I absolutely love the image of your mini-people apartment, might try it for our next cycle. Hope the crabbiness passes and so does the time so you can put your mini-people to be in their apartment.

    Happy ICLW

    Reply

  10. Hello!
    So happy to have found your blog during ICLW.
    You are funny!
    Excited for your transfer. I should be doing stims for my first IVF cycle in mid October if God has mercy on me.
    Late september/october is not that far!

    Reply

  11. Hello!
    So happy to have found your blog during ICLW.
    You are funny!
    Excited for your transfer. I should be doing stims for my first IVF cycle in mid October if God has mercy on me.
    Late september/october is not that far!

    Reply

  12. Hi S! It’s interesting that you mention the selective memory during pregnancy, because I have not heard about that before, but it kind of makes sense. We all do that, but I guess that during pregnancy it becomes less selective, and more collective 😉 hope your IVF journey goes smoothly. All the best wishes!

    Reply

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