Archive for the ‘Fertility Meds’ Category

Beeker on the Brain


It’s almost 1:00 on a Saturday. The day to get stuff done, buy stuff, clean stuff, and complete stuff. So far all I have done is show the unannounced roofer where the leaks were in my ceiling. In my pajamas. Lucky him.  

"My first job today, the girl answered the door in her pajamas! Doh!"

I have seriously wasted half of my day looking for a physical copy of a book on writing training materials. I want it NOW. I have a project that I am working on for work, and although I have a plan and have started research, I thought it would be nice to have a guide. With the exception of ordering online, I cannot find a book ANYWHERE on writing training manuals, writing course materials, etc? The books in the stores get as specific as how to negotiate buying a car at 2:34 in the afternoon on a Tuesday, but they snub the person trying to develop something as common as a textbook or course material. It makes about as much sense as Homer and his pal drinking beer while on a roof. ( I did that once, on my 21st birthday. It ended in injury.)  

I also turned my Lupron alarm off this morning and went back to bed, which means I missed my shot and ended up taking it a few hours late. Is this OK? I was in such a hurry then that I injected it cold, sans the time it usually takes to warm up to room temp out of the fridge. I waited for the possible seizure or anaphylactic shock, but thankfully nothing happened! I’m a mess today. I feel like between starting a new job (which I love) and trying to prepare my uterus for a new tenant, that I end up wasting any time in which I am not required to be working or in stirrups. Here are some ways in which I wasted my spare (not that there was an excess of it) time this week:  

  • I killed a few brain cells by actually watching Jerseylicious. If this is not the most monumental waste of a production crew then I am loath to see what comes out next.    

    Tacky is as Tacky Does

  •  I made homemade ice cream even though I did not have any heavy whipping cream. Beeker from The Muppets would have even been appalled.
  •  I spent an hour looking for a type of book at Barnes and Noble that I knew they did not have.
  •  I read the nasty comments that people wrote online about my past employer on (No, I did not contribute, but it sure was fun!)
  •  I sat in my car outside my house to finish listening to an NPR interview
  •  I spent over an hour trying on clothes for my first day of work and ended up wearing the first thing I picked out

And then there is this post. See, I have been thinking about an interesting phenomenon that I discussed with my friends at their cafe the other day. WHY do we get so much done on the days when we have work, school, errands, etc, but then we do not get anything of merit accomplished when we actually have a day to ourselves? I had some really lofty plans set aside for today and instead I found myself searching Google Images  for a picture of Beeker. (I found a plethora, BTW)   

I am actually kind of miffed at myself because I cannot afford to do this. I can’t afford to miss my shot in the morning. I mean, this is important. Anyone who has gone through IVF knows that you have to stay organized and on top of your game. You can’t watch bitches in hooker shoes battling over whose jungle party was junglier, and you can’t have Beeker on the brain. Does this mean I am just getting used to being on a fertility regiment since it has been so long? I used to have my protocol taped to the fridge and emblazoned on my brain. And it has to be that way, because it is a time consumptive and precise process. What will I be like on the weekends once my baby is actually here? I have waited for him / her so long that I may end up just holding them and starting at them all day in pure bliss that they are finally here.  So, having expressed this sentiment, I now have to go organize my IVF binder, do some research for my course so it kicks ass, and stop wasting your time with a pointless blog post.  

Have a SAFE and PRODUCTIVE Labor Day weekend!  

Peace and Love,  




Big plans, little ovary

Ovaries are kind of small. I mean, they’re not miniscule, but they are not a big ol’ organ. They sit nice and quietly, and then each month they take turns revealing their beautiful Egg Of The Month. Unlike the Testes (is that where sperm are produced? I don’t know, I have enough to worry about with my own lady business), who spew out millions and millions of sperms with no care to quality or appearance, the ovary chooses just one lead little egg to be nourished and released when ready. And I am in no way knocking sperm, it’s just that half of them either have two heads, swim in circles, have mini tails, or are just lazy asses.  

  Anyway, that describes what is “supposed” to happen with the ovary. That is not my scenario, so I get to pump mine up like Hans and Frans to get lots of eggs at a time. Which brings me back around to the beginning – ovaries are not that big. When you ovulate normally, you know that you can sometimes feel it. It can hurt, or just cramp, or make you bloated, or just really pissed. (or, in my case, really, really happy.) So, now, picture your little ovary with 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 or more eggs growing on it. IT FEELS LIKE ALIENS ARE TRYING TO BUILD A COLONY INSIDE OF YOU. You know when you go to Ikea and they have that model 560 square foot house? And it’s REALLY full? There you go. So, now you are walking around town with a whole population of eggs on your ovaries, and you feel it. I am uncomfortable, yet so happy & excited. Unless I get pissed – then I go from Bloated & Happy to Bloated & Unhappy.  



Why, hello there!


Piss Off!!!


 HeeHee. But seriously, it is pretty cool. Below are some pictures of ovaries, normal and stimmed: (pulled from online)

This is your ovary

This is your ovary on drugs

   See? So I am really full. I think the folks at work think something might be wrong with me. Lately I think I have started walking like House without his cane. I pee constantly because my bladder is caught between growing continents. I eat real fast and then make a little moaning noise because it feels like my food can’t find my stomach. I also smile a lot. I am excited and hopeful, and have big plans for these little eggs.                                             




Flip Off

 It’s early, early in the morning. Every living being in the Universe is still asleep, and I crawl into the guest bathroom to begin preparing to stick a cold needle into my tummy – still warm from being cozy in bed. It’s hard enough to do this without caffiene, which I am off of now, but then I see this staring at me from atop my medicine vile:


Seriously?? That’s just rude. Why does Ferring Pharmaceuticals do this? Has nobody else ever thought it was odd that their very expensive medicine vial was telling them to go screw themselves? Excuse me, Ferring, but for what I paid for this medicine it should tell me I am a goddess and cook me an omelet. But no. It says “Flip Off.”

You may be thinking that I am being over-sensitive, and you’re right. The first time my Menopur told me to flip off, I laughed. I thought it was funny. But now I am on very strong hormones. I have some suggestions for Ferring. There are plenty of ways to explain to us idiots that we have to actually remove the plastic lid from the vial before we can extract the medicine with a needle. How about Flip Up, Remove, Remove Cap, Flip Cap, Remove Lid, Flip Lid, any combination of remove, cap, and / or lid. Sigh.

So, by tonight I had forgiven the Menopur vial. I have a 7:00 PM date with Follistim so I don’t see Menopur until the next morning, anyway, so all was forgiven. I left a Skype session with my brother and his girlfriend to head into the guest bathroom for my shot. The paper trail I keep showed I had 150 IUs lft in the vial. I had to take 225 IUs. No problem – you dial the pen to 225 and inject – when the pen hits 75, it should stop. It should stop because there are only 150 IUs in the pen, so it cannot possibly give me all 225 IUs. But it did. Very confused, I consulted my husband, and our Skype guests – my brother and his girlfriend – about what this could mean. It was suggested that I may have not taken the full 225 IUs the previous two nights, which I knew could not be. I am very careful when injecting myself in the stomach with highly concentrated doses of hormones. (Some of the hormones are extracted from the urine of post-menopausal women, if that explains my precision.) Doing the math and seeing that there is no way on earth those extra 75 IUs could have been in that shot, I loaded another cartridge and injected a fresh 75 IUs. About an hour later I really felt like something was off, so I called the on call nurse. I told her my story and then she asked me if I remembered her telling me that there are 75 to 100 EXTRA IUs IN EACH CARTRIDGE. My husband and I both agree that we were never told this, so I am still a bit worried that I fried my eggs. She said not to worry, that it’s fine. But, now I feel like I have overdosed my little eggs. I hope I feel better before tomorrow comes and my Menopur tells me to go to Hell at 6:00 am.

OK. So finally, IVF stim time is quickly approaching. I get to play chemist every morning and inject – which, strangely, is kind of satisfying. So if you are considering IVF, this is what about two weeks of meds is going to look like. It will be delivered in a nondescript box that has “confidential” stamped on it. You will want to quickly bring it inside your house, not only because much of it will need to be refrigerated, but also because your neighbors will take one look at the nondescript, “confidential” box and think you ordered a ton of porn. I was asleep on the couch when my package arrived, recovering from a cervix dilation because mine was apparently being stubborn. UPS man did not even ring my bell. Probably wanted to run away from the suspected pervert waiting for their big box o’ secrets.

On a more serious note, I may make light of it and jokingly complain, but I smiled the whole way through paying for and receiving this medicine. Because rather than dreading the IVF preparation, I have chosen to embrace it. I love my daily shots, my blood tests, and my regimen. Because I am so lucky to get to go through this process. And mostly…..I am so excited.

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